Change to a liquid diet: as long as you swallow quietly

Misophonia! It is a thing, and I have it.

Eating noises, man. They make me want to scream words unbecoming of a lady. Or leave the room. Or possibly stab myself in the ear.

Chewing is SO BAD. Gulping is pretty awful too.

Worst of all is teeth meeting utensil. Why do people chew their forks? Stainless steel has no nutritional value!

WHY DO PEOPLE CHEW THEIR FORKS?

This is one reason why I like restaurants: they are loud enough to drown out the horrible and gross sounds of mastication. (Also: no dishes to wash.)

(Thanks, extinction, for making sure I never have to hear a mastodon masticate.)

On the other hand, I like crunchy snacks.

7 Comments

DaisieFebruary 7th, 2013 at 12:03 am

AAUGH I shudder at your mental image of chewing forks. AUGH AUGH AUGH. SHUDDER SHUDDER.

vmohlereFebruary 7th, 2013 at 8:11 am

THANK YOU. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

droogFebruary 7th, 2013 at 3:06 pm

What are your views regarding the last bit of milkshake that one tries to suck through a straw?

Melissa LeeFebruary 8th, 2013 at 7:12 am

Thank you for this.
Yesterday on NPR, a reporter decided that it was appropriate to slurp his soup THREE TIMES during his report. He was demonstrating that the Japanese slurp their soups to show that they like it, but THREE TIMES? I had to change the station.

vmohlereFebruary 8th, 2013 at 5:02 pm

droog: Acceptable, because milkshakes should not be wasted, particularly if they are peanut butter milkshakes.

Sister: I am so glad I missed that. Also, that is the #1 reason why I am skeptical about visiting Asia. Shallow, I know. (Now I am craving nabeyaki udon.)

GwynFebruary 10th, 2013 at 7:55 am

You mean there is actually a word for what I have? Huh. Perhaps a nice tabletop fountain would help in aiding your inner peace. And not making you stab people with their gnawed-upon forks.

vmohlereFebruary 11th, 2013 at 10:45 am

Oh! A worthy idea! Mr Dingo Jones even likes those things.

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