I don’t remember how old I was when I asked my mother whether Santa was real.
“Of course Santa is real,” she said. “Santa is the spirit of love and giving at Christmas time.”
“But does Santa really bring the presents?” I asked.
She looked at me for a minute, and her eyes were a little sad.
“You have a choice,” she said. “You can believe that there’s no such thing as Santa, that your dad and I buy the presents for you and none of it is true. Or you can believe that anyone who gives an anonymous gift out of love can be Santa. You can believe that Santa is everywhere, whether he’s me or your dad or even yourself when you want to give someone a present without needing to be thanked for it. You can believe that the Christmas spirit is bigger than who did what and how much it cost.”
I asked her whether she believed in Santa.
“Yes I do,” she said.
So do I.
I hope it was a merry Christmahanakwanzayule, my darlings.
Mom & Dad gave us the best answers for difficult questions.
Once when I was struggling with the idea of evolution vs. Adam & Eve stories in the Bible, I asked Mom which one was right. She said, “Well, what if the physical bodies evolved, but the spirit was what we read about in the Bible.”
In my 9 year old brain, it made perfect sense. In my 30+ year old brain, it STILL makes perfect sense.
Virginia, thanks so much for your twelve days. I have enjoyed everyone.
This has been such a lovely series. I think it would make a beautiful chapbook.
“All right,” said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need…fantasies to make life bearable.”
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—”
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They’re not the same at all!”
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point—”
MY POINT EXACTLY.
…
STARS EXPLODE, WORLDS COLLIDE, THERE’S HARDLY ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE HUMANS CAN LIVE WITHOUT BEING FROZEN OR FRIED, AND YET YOU BELIEVE THAT A…A BED IS A NORMAL THING. IT IS THE MOST AMAZING TALENT.
“Talent?”
OH, YES. A VERY SPECIAL KIND OF STUPIDITY. YOU THINK THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS INSIDE YOUR HEADS.
“You make us sound mad,” said Susan. A nice warm bed…
NO. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN’T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?
–Terry Pratchett, Hogfather (1996).
I’ve really enjoyed reading this series, and I’m sure I’ll return to it, especially come December. Beautiful writing, and am wowed by the details of your memories and the ability to keep all those years in line. i feel like my childhood (and, hell, just about every memory) is a great globby gob in my head, with stuff happening all out of sequence like an early Tarantino movie. But these twelve memories have inspired me to try to get in all in line, to share my memories better with my son.
Mike – That is just right. Thank you.
And thanks to the rest of you, too. Teasing the moments out of the globby glob (as Patrick put it) is one of my great pleasures. It’s really satisfying to have that shared.