What a quiet Christmas we had. I was mostly organized this year (discovered on Christmas Eve that I had neglected stocking stuffers for several people: oops), and the Wickeds didn’t arrive until the 26th. I took time off from 23 Dec to 2 Jan.

I made a nice Roast Beast dinner on Christmas Eve. On the 25th, we had a very quiet day to ourselves. I Skyped with my mother and sister, and later we spent some time with Dingo’s mother, brother, and sister-in-law. Very chill and pleasant. Even having the kids here has been really relaxed and low key.

And I looked forward to it, for the first time in several years. I liked having the tree up (though the lights on the top half gave out not long after we put it up). I liked watching all the old, goofy movies. Pro-tip: avoid the 1992 remake of Christmas in Connecticut.

Still, there has been a lot of weeping. A lot of wistfulness, a lot of missing folks who are no longer here in body. This makes me grateful for how snuggly the cat is when the weather is chilly. On my days off, I’ve been taking a lot of walks – the nice, leg-tiring kind, with carols playing in my headphones. Wish I’d gone this morning, when the air was opaque and the trees dripped from fog. Now it’s clear and sunny. Lovely, but not so much in keeping with my mood.

There were plenty of good things that happened in 2011: my trip to Greece, my new job. But I’m not sorry to see it end. In this in-between time, this quiet, I haven’t let myself set any goals or make any lists. I’m trying to be here. To listen.